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Jack Handey


 

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Jack Handey
Birth name: 
Jack Handey
Date of birth: 
Friday, February 25, 1949
Birthplace: 
San Antonio, Texas, USA
Country of birth: 
Profession: 
  • Author
  • Humorist
About the author: 
Jack is best known for his Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey, a large body of surrealistic one-liner jokes, as well as his "Fuzzy Memories" and "My Big Thick Novel" shorts. Although many people assume otherwise, Handey is a real person, not a pen name or character. Jack was born in San Antonio, Texas, in 1949. His family later moved to El Paso, Texas, where Handey attended Eastwood High School (where he was editor of Sabre, the school newspaper) and the University of Texas at El Paso. Handey's earliest writing job was for a newspaper, the San Antonio Express-News. He lost the job, in his words, after writing "an article that offended local car dealerships". His first comic writing was with comedian Steve Martin. According to Martin, Handey got a job writing for Saturday Night Live after Martin introduced Handey to the show's creator, Lorne Michaels. For several years Handey worked on other television projects: the Canadian sketch series Bizarre in 1980; the 1980 TV special Steve Martin: Comedy Is Not Pretty; and Lorne Michaels' short-lived sketch show on NBC called The New Show in 1984. Handey returned to Saturday Night Live in 1985 as a writer and co-producer.
Author Gallery: 
Jack HandeyJack HandeyJack HandeyJack HandeyJack Handey
Quotes: 
  • Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
  • A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call up the guy and hold the burning fuse to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."
  • On the other hand, we have different fingers.
  • I bet if you reached total enlightenment while drinking beer, it would make beer squirt out your nose.
  • When I die, I would like to go peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather did. Not screaming and yelling like the passenger in his car.
  • It takes a big man to cry. It takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man.
  • If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
  • I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.
  • Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.
  • If you get invited to your first orgy, don’t just show up nude. That’s a common mistake. You have to let nudity ‘happen.’
  • Remember, kids in the backseat cause accidents; accidents in the backseat cause kids.
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